Countdow - Chapter 1 by Leo and Hayden


In the post, disguised as a medicine to help his asthma (without it he would get a heart-attack! Did they really believe that?) a sleep potion had been sent to him by someone he could not reveal. Designed to send people into a deep slumber for 1 hour and erase any memories from the last day, it was only enough for two guards. He would have to use it wisely. Settling down for relaxing sleep after a stressful day – he had had to persuade the guards that it was asthma medicine – he was almost immediately flat out, wanting to be alert and dangerous for the journey ahead.

On the dot of 7 pm he sprang out of bed as soon as the door clicked open. He flipped elegantly through the air before taking the guard’s outstretched arm and using his own momentum Marvo flung him over his muscular shoulder. Constantly staring at the doorway, in which he expected a wide-eyed guard to appear, he pulled out the bottle of bubbling liquid after finishing the man of with a vicious blow to the head. Spinning the flask in his hand he twisted of the cap before pouring half the contents down the mouth of the motionless guard. When the second guard came catapulting down the finely polished corridor, he threw the cork straight at the guards temple sending him crashing to painfully to the ground. Strutting through the door he drained the rest of the strange mixture down the second guard’s throat, not even looking. Locking the door behind him he strolled confidently down the deserted corridor. On his way to freedom…


Reluctantly, I gave up the rest of my poker chips to Taylor, the consistent winner of the game. Over the past few weeks my relationship with the smith family (or at least what was left of them) had grown stronger. Although, Ricardo occasionally came back from his lab livid, blaming us for everything that had happened he could be fun to have around. However, Taylor was completely the opposite: he never got hot-tempered with me and was not a bad loser, unlike his Father!

When Taylor had finished collecting his winnings he stood up claiming he was exhausted and left the table. After he had left the room his dad mumbled a volley of rude comments before yawning and going to bed himself. Putting my head in my hands I wondered, ‘where would I be without them?’ Before Taylor became my friend I had been starving and long-lost. Without any food and money all I could do was stumble forward, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. He was more than a friend. He felt like family. Slowly my head sank to the table, fatigued, and soon I was fast asleep.

Jerking my head up violently I was woken from my peaceful, relaxing slumber: sirens were wailing noisily, lights flashing. Panic flared in my sleep-deprived brain. We had to get out of here.


Leave a comment on which of these you want to happen next:

A)Cleo leaves the biulding.

B) Cleo finds Taylor then leaves the building.

C) Cleo finds Taylor and investigates further.

If you want to comment please could you do it by wednesday when we will write the next chapter(s)? Sorry you had to wait so long; there were some technical issues! Enjoy!

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Mr Ryan on 15 Mar 13 at 8:43pm | Quote this comment
Wow! Another one - great.

Boys, be careful about the repetition of the subordinate clause opener as it can get repetitive and sound a bit formulaic. For example, in between the asterisks:

*Jerking my head up violently* I was woken from my peaceful...
*When Taylor had finished collecting his winnings* he stood up claiming...
*After he had left the room* his dad mumbled a volley of rude comments...

Otherwise, I'm voting 'c' and can't wait for the next chapter!
Comment 2 Comment by Mr Jones on 20 Mar 13 at 1:11pm | Quote this comment
Great entry, boys. Interesting to see Mr Ryans comment after moving the placement of a subordinate clause has been our Layered Target this week - probably my fault that we were exploring that in class!

I am voting for B.

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