Electric Blue is Definitely Not my Favourite Colour...Not any more

There I was, inside the palace. My childhood dreams had come true, but I was not a guest, I was a prisoner. Inside my rotting sell for two days now, no food, no water, my only company was the humming orb that encased me where I stood. It would kill me if I even let a stray whisker touch it. My tail swished from side to side with sinuous snake-like movements. My ears pricked up at the slightest noise in case they came to try and make me confess to crimes I did not commit. The silky black coat that lined my back stood straight up on end. I fixed my deep blue eyes on the spot where the porthole would open, if they ever came back at all. Suddenly a piercing scream tore through the silence, making me jump so close to the orb I nearly lost consciousness. But who it was I was sure I would soon find out. As the swirling portal ripped open and the screaming grew louder, a figure grew from the mist. She was screaming commands at the other people who were scurrying around like ants. “Baccarat!” she screeched, “Where is it? Where have you hidden it?”  I felt my body tense as I recoiled and spat out my words, “They took it. I never had it!”
“Who? Who took it?” she screamed.
“My friends, the ones who know where their loyalties lie!” I snapped.
A smug grin smeared her face “So, we’re finally getting somewhere” she smirked. “What buffoons do you have as friends?” 
I glared at her, my eyes slits of pure hatred. I forced the words out between my gritted teeth, “I am not telling you anything about them!”
“Oh really?” she sneered “We’ll see about that!” She clicked her manicured fingers and dizziness overcame me, I felt an electric current sapping my strength away. In despair I saw the electric-blue strands of the orb advancing towards me. I was trapped, all I could do was confess. It was my only hope of survival. My mouth moved, but I did not want it to, each painful word felt like bitter betrayal, “Spiders! My friends are spiders. We knew you wouldn’t suspect insignificant spiders. They are more powerful than you think!” 
She pursed her lips as she spoke, “Spiders? Hmm! Clever! I would have eaten them if I were you.”
“Well, that’s the difference between you and me, I’m always loyal to my friends.” I hissed.
“What was it they took? I hope it was expensive.”
“Oh, very expensive. Very expensive indeed.” She mused “over a billion of your ‘Earth’ pounds.” She must have seen me smile, because that’s when her concentration wavered and she made her last mistake. She made a lunge for me, forgetting about the orb. The moment she touched the glistening threads there was nothing she could do but scream! She was not the first, and she won’t be the last.

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Mr Herring on 23 Feb 12 at 8:47pm | Quote this comment
Well done Wren on a really good short story. I think it's brilliant how you don't tell us that the main character is a cat, but leave us to figure that out from your thoughtful description, such as, 'My tail swished from side to side with sinuous snake-like movements.' Your good use of a simile also really helps us picture the scene in our minds eye - can anyone else spot the simile and comment it below?

Just a small growing green about speech punctuation: remember to use a comma before you open the speech marks (e.g. ...she sneered, "We'll see...). Perhaps you can carefully edit your story to make sure it is all correct.
Comment 2 Comment by Esther B on 24 Feb 12 at 9:35am | Quote this comment
WOW WREN THIS IS GREAT! I really like the story! I love your discription! :o
Comment 3 Comment by Esther B on 24 Feb 12 at 9:41am | Quote this comment
Lauren and I have just found the simile it said " scurring around like ants" also cool story! 8)

Add your own comment below

Security code