The Nothing...

A typical Sunday night, watching Family Fortunes while eating your TV supper of chips, peas and baked beans. My annoying brother snorted as a man answered a question badly (he finds everything either stupid or funny). Freddie's a short 8 year old boy, blonde hair with a bit of an attitude; ANNOYING. This is because he thinks he’s cool but, as you might have guessed, he isn't cool at all. But then something met the corner of my eye in the hallway, a tall, black figure with a hood. I assumed it was a brief hallucination, as I’d been going to bed at midnight for the last few nights (that’s going to BED, not to sleep which is a whole other level). CRASH! A plate smashed suddenly in the kitchen two seconds after my apparent hallucination. My mum jumped at the sound, nearly standing up with fright. Freddie had somehow got hold of his DS without even moving; he was playing on some rubbish ‘Ben 10: Ultimate Alien Attack’ game he got from a car boot sale for £6.00! He doesn’t care about how he spends his money as he barely ever spends it. Anyway, my mum came back into the room with an angry look on her face.

“Who left a plate hanging over the edge of the counter?” she shouted, “Who ever it was, I am very angry at them for breaking one of my favourite plates!” I then became curious at my hallucination because it was as if the hooded figure had deliberately walked into the kitchen and smashed one of the plates. I tried to forget about it and finish watching the programme. The TV clicked as the power switched off. 

“Ah well!” said mum miserably, “I’ll get the candles out.” As soon as she stumbled carelessly out of the room I heard Freddie rustle in his chair. Then an eerie dark red glow entered the room through where Freddie was sitting, at just about the height of his eyes. I tried to scream although something stopped me and I kept silent. Everything was quiet. I waited for something to happen. Nothing. After several minutes of anxious silence mum wandered back in, though there was something strange about the way she looked at me, with those gloomy eyes, as if she was hypnotized. After that strange experience she told me to go upstairs to bed; which was fair enough as it was 21:00. I got changed into my pyjamas then crawled into bed. An eerie sound filled the room, like an elephants trumpet distorted and slowed down 10 times. My door creaked open, and a tall dark figure floated spookily towards me...

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Mr Herring on 15 Feb 12 at 12:23pm | Quote this comment
Well done Jude - I really like the way you describe the annoying brother 'snorting' - it helped me picture him in my mind's eye. A small g'rowing green' - can you edit in an adverb in the last sentence to tell me how the tall dark figure floated? That would help me picture the climax of your story more clearly...
Comment 2 Comment by Mr Ryan on 15 Feb 12 at 3:24pm | Quote this comment
Chilling read, Jude! Your vocabulary is adventurous and you've worked hard on your sentence structures: it shows, along with some effective use of subordinate clauses and punctuation.

My growing green improvement would be here:

"Everything was quiet. After several minutes..."

Several minutes is a long time to wait under such circumstances. I suggest building up the scene between these 2 sentences with what the character could smell, (sort of) see, taste and how they felt. What was going through his mind? What were his thoughts?

Well done on a very engaging story!
Comment 3 Comment by Hannah D on 22 Feb 12 at 6:39pm | Quote this comment
Wow it's very scary I wish you wrote more :lol:

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