Talking to the Dead

Last week in English we were writing 500 word stories and this is mine:

Talking to the dead

Quickly and quietly, I scrambled across the fresh green grass in the clearing, the moon shone down on me as I pulled myself to the dark woods. I had to move quicker or they would catch me! The haunting trees towered over me like the mountains did back at home. A huge tearful lump rose in my throat and tears poured out helplessly from my eyes; 'don't think of home,' said the voice inside my head, 'it will only make matters worse.' Trembling with fear, I started sprinting past the trees; I just had to get away, away from them.

"HELP....HELP ME PLEASE," an ear biting screach came out of nowhere, I hastily made my way through the trees to another clearing; this time it wasn't empty...

A frozen body lay quietly in the waving grass. The body was of a young girl about 12 years old with gripping green eyes and golden hair, which was scattered across the clearing, but the thing that kept me there was because she looked like me; she had my eyes, my mouth and all the facial features except for the hair. I had jet-black curly hair but hers was cut short and spikey. Then I remembered where I had seen her before... she was my sister!

I struggled backwards into the trees. Only then did I realise this had been a trap set by them so they could capture me. The girl I saw lying dead was only an image of my sister and the voice I heard screaming was only a recording. This set my teeth on edge, I had been so stupid to fall into such a trap but also why had they been so cruel using my sister just to get to me?

A twig snapped behind me as a massive hand hit me around the head and I plummeted towards the ground and lay quietly on my front as they gathered around me. " Hello Indigo, I thought you were dead, just like Irina - obviously I was wrong; take her away," said a soft, musical voice which I vaguely recognized- Ruebis!

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Mr Ryan on 06 Feb 12 at 2:13pm | Quote this comment
Excellent, Esther. To me, this looks like Chapter 1 - will you continue it with further chapters and turn it into a masterpiece? Maybe you could publish each chapter in the blog until you finish the story? That would be really exciting!
Comment 2 Comment by Mr Herring on 06 Feb 12 at 3:42pm | Quote this comment
I agree! This is a great piece of writing Esther - and the way you have edited and improved it over the last week or so has been fantastic to see! I eagerly await the next installment...
Comment 3 Comment by Emily J on 06 Feb 12 at 7:51pm | Quote this comment
Its so gripping, I wish it was longer.
Comment 4 Comment by Mr Herring on 22 Feb 12 at 1:16pm | Quote this comment
Officially entered into the BBC Radio 2 short story writing competition!
Comment 5 Comment by Tarragon N on 22 Feb 12 at 3:48pm | Quote this comment
Is there going to be a chapter 2?
Comment 6 Comment by Lauren J on 22 Feb 12 at 6:24pm | Quote this comment
Come on Esther, lets see the next chapter! I cant wait! ;-)
Comment 7 Comment by Alec L on 24 Feb 12 at 9:34am | Quote this comment
Great story Esther. There were lots of great phrases, some of my favourites were " ear biting screech" and " plummeted to the ground" well done!

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