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Cat Overboard

"Help us!  We don't know what's happening!" screamed the girls gripping onto the handle rapidly.    One girl bounced up and down, while the poor cat was propelled into the icy water.  "TwincleToes.  Help, somebody save him."  They shouted.   No one heard the girls, they were all alone in the angry sea. The cat struggled to get back into the boat but, the pounding waves kept pushing the boat further and further away.  Suddenly Twincle Toes got pushed to the shore by an enormous wave.  Unfortunately the girls were never seen again.

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Jessica R on 15 Dec 12 at 11:35am | Quote this comment

I like how you started with speech and said Help us we don't know what's happening!' and you i like your description like when you put they where alone in the angry sea or the pounding waves kept pushing the boat further and further away.

Comment 2 Comment by Mr Ryan on 15 Dec 12 at 4:42pm | Quote this comment

Good constructive feedback, Jess!

Comment 3 Comment by Ellen B on 15 Dec 12 at 6:52pm | Quote this comment

A amazing story ,it made my heart freeze at some points'

Comment 4 Comment by Ellen B on 15 Dec 12 at 7:08pm | Quote this comment

I like the interesting adverbs and verbs you have used e.g rapidly and propelled.

Comment 5 Comment by Charlie R on 16 Dec 12 at 9:58am | Quote this comment

Well done Eloise! I love the tension you put in, like: Unfortunately the girls were never seen again. Great work!

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