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Why is it me? Chapter 1 by Hayden B and Leo W


Me colour
Previous prologue here!

Settling down for much-needed sleep on one of the countries most famous landmarks I thought lonesomely about my unsupportive family and how they were getting on without me. Like kids going hyper at a party, unaswered qusetions bounced off the walls in my despairing but devious mind. Had they forgotten me? Had they moved? These were just a few of the numerous questions popping up in my battered head. My thoughts were impeded abrubtly as whaling sirens screeched into the street, many feet below.

As my mind raced into action I franticly scaled the unforgiving walls heading for a beam as thin as a digeridoo leading to the ground where I spotted an unattended motorbike past the line of the robust police cars. I pulled a piece of ragged cloth out of my ever useful rucksack which I tied hecticly around my wrists to use as a zipwire! 

"Why is it always me" I muttered exasperatedly through gritted teeth as I ran to the edge and hesitantly leapt off screaming "Up up and away" with my fist reaching heroically out like superman. Whizzing down the wire at immense speed, my frizzy hair flying wild in the wind, I began to realise the enormity of what I was doing. A pair of bloodshot, psychotic eyes belonging to someone I only knew too well seemed to burn smouldering holes through my head as they stared up at me.

                                  *                      *                         *

A faint cry of "Up up and away!" was listened intently to by a certain policeman who almost immediately new who it was. After all he had been through a lot, not necessarily all good, with Taylor Smith. Never taking an eye off the person who had ruined his life he jumped on an unused motorbike, blazing with endless anger, and watched his almost certain victim as they jumped on an identical motorcycle and roared off into the winter rush hour. Following the provocative urchin Marvo Flemming set off into the sunset.

                                 *                       *                          * 

Sweat poured down my forehead like a fast-flowing river. Excessively looking over my hunched shoulder I spotted the sickening sillhouette of the person who had turned my life upside down like it was something that he did every day! How could I get away from him? A narrow dust-covered road appeared around the corner, impulsively I did a sharp turn and hurtled down the secluded road; Lewis Hamilton, my favourite racer, would have been proud! To my despair I spotted a towering brick wall at the end of the enclosed road looming over me. I skimmed my mind for options. What would I do? After a few moments of frantic confusion I spotted the perfect oportunity. Lying infront of the elevated wall, a discarded door lay there propped up as if beckoning me towards it. I had to make the jump to freedom! To make it even more essential I had recently noticed my biggest enemy speeding up behind me a few moments ago. . .

Leave a comment on which one of these you want to happen next:

A: Taylor jumps the wall and carries on trying to find his home

B: Taylor jumps the wall but hides until the activity has died down.

C: Taylor crashes and gets caught by Marvo.

We will write about the option that gets the most comments.

Thank you for all the comments you left last week and we hope you enjoy it!

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Mr Jones on 13 Dec 12 at 3:46pm | Quote this comment
Another gripping instalment, Leo and Hayden. Do be careful about slipping between first and third person - or did you do this on purpose? I am very impressed by the way that you have included so many literary techniques to add tension and description to your story (passive voice, alliteration, complex sentences, similes, changing the position of subordinate clauses...).

I would vote for option A. I would be interested to see where he goes next on his journey home. Furthermore, I think it would build up the tension if we do not find out much more about his enemy (Marvo Flemming) until later in the story.
Comment 2 Comment by Mr Ryan on 14 Dec 12 at 8:59am | Quote this comment
Firstly, I'm voting for A: continuing his search for home!

A brilliant first chapter following your initial prologue, boys. The language and action is superb. I agree with Mr Jones: don't give too much away about Marvo just yet - keep us in suspense a bit longer!

A great example of how a number of writing tools and techniques can be combined effectively to form a gripping opening to a story. Keep it up. 8)
Comment 3 Comment by Natasha W on 14 Dec 12 at 10:22am | Quote this comment
I think that you should get Tayler to crash and get caught by Marvo and then how would he find is family and get out so thats what i think
Comment 4 Comment by Dylan W on 14 Dec 12 at 10:25am | Quote this comment
I think you should do C:taylor crashes and gets caught by Marvo
Comment 5 Comment by Edward L on 14 Dec 12 at 10:37am | Quote this comment
Great story so far hayden and leo!
Its just like readind the start of scorpia horizon :lol:
Im voting for C: Taylor crashes and gets caught by Marvo.
I cant wait to read the rest!
Its a amazing piece of writing.
Ed.l
Comment 6 Comment by Archie S on 14 Dec 12 at 12:32pm | Quote this comment
B) because it seems really exciting to leave it on a cliffhanger
and also you could get some good description in!
Comment 7 Comment by Leo W on 14 Dec 12 at 12:36pm | Quote this comment
so far...

A)2
B)0
C)3

Thank you for everyone who commented so far!
Comment 8 Comment by Oliver W on 15 Dec 12 at 9:48am | Quote this comment
Amazing first chapter, Well done!

I'm voting A because jumping over a brick wall is quite exciting!
Comment 9 Comment by Leo W on 15 Dec 12 at 11:47am | Quote this comment
Now so far...

A)3
B)1
C)3

Wow close so far!
And again thanks to everyone who voted!! ;-)
Comment 10 Comment by Caroline W on 15 Dec 12 at 12:30pm | Quote this comment
Thrilling writing boys - well done! I am voting for A because I think you can keep the excitement and suspense going for longer and drop in little clues about what has brought Taylor to this place in his/her life. Also I would like to learn more about what sort of person Taylor is, you can build up character as more adventures are had, enabling your readers to emphasize more with her/him. :-)
Comment 11 Comment by Vicky H on 15 Dec 12 at 8:54pm | Quote this comment
You have some excellent descriptive writing and a real sense of speed and ecitement in this, Hayden and Leo - well done. I'm keen to know how and if he/she manages to land from jumping the wall - you've got an opportunity for some more good descripton (and perhaps a temporary change of pace?) there. Then I'd like you to go for A. I think it would work well to take us back to all the questions your prologue raised and that we'd still enjoy having the answers to. You've given us a bit more about his/her family in this section, whetting our appetites to know more about the family and life with them.
Comment 12 Comment by Ellis B on 16 Dec 12 at 1:01pm | Quote this comment
I think (c) because it will be really cool to see how the police man will punish him/her (if he/she does get punished) and how he gets away (if he/she does) I can't wait to read chapter 2, I think it's going to be brilliant! :-)
Comment 13 Comment by Hayden B on 16 Dec 12 at 6:26pm | Quote this comment
Thank you for all the comments, at the moment A) has the most votes by 1! :lol:
Comment 14 Comment by Benjy W on 16 Dec 12 at 6:36pm | Quote this comment
very exiting so far well done guys. i think that option C would be quite interesting, and could result in Taylor escaping from jail and continuing to search for his/her home :o
Comment 15 Comment by Mike B on 16 Dec 12 at 6:44pm | Quote this comment
Great first chapter! Well done!

I'd go for (a) next, but I don't want this to be the end of Marvo Flemming... definitely not!
Comment 16 Comment by Leo W on 16 Dec 12 at 6:58pm | Quote this comment
Wow! Thanks again. At the moment the votes are...

A)5
B)1 (Still only 1! Who else likes B? Don't leave poor Archie on his own!)
C)5

We are hoping to release the next chapter (again) on the last Friday, the 21st, of term. :sad:
We will try and make this episode as exiting as we can. But you are very welcome to comment over the holidays and we will make the options interesting.
Please feel free to make other comments about what happens next! E.G: Taylors feeling or skills!!
Comment 17 Comment by Vicky H on 18 Dec 12 at 12:53pm | Quote this comment
Looking forward to chapter 2 by the end of term. Well done if you manage it. Since A and C are so close, can you think of something which in some clever way includes them both? I'm sure we will all be in suspense then over the holidays and I hope we will then get more chapters in January - you might find you're doing this for quite a while! (And maybe I, Leo and Benjy can all learn to spell 'excitement' and 'exciting' by then!!).

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