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Freeze Flame

My name is Crystal, and I am the last of my noble kind. And if I say it wasn’t my fault that I’m the only one left, don’t believe me. I need to tell you my story, so, when I finally do go, my soul will live on in you at least.

It started hundreds of years ago, when the war between us, with our freeze flame, and them, with their burning fire, was at its height. I was out hunting with my father; young, handsome and… foolish. My father was the leader of our pack and, being his son, I was soon to be in charge. But, just our luck, Magmar, the ferocious leader of the fire pack, and his beautiful daughter, Ruby, were also out hunting – and on the same dusty plains as us. It was the first time I had set eyes on her, and it was love at first sight. She had flaming-red, perfectly positioned scales lining her back, and an amazing face as beautiful as Helen of Troy herself. I could tell by her expression that she loved me too, and we went on to have a happy relationship together. Of course, her being the fire type and me being the ice type meant we were forbidden to see each other. However, that didn’t stop us from meeting on the plains every night.

After a month of so of this, my father began to worry about what I was doing, venturing out of our icily-lit cave that was positioned inside the foggy Motte Mountains, in the middle of a dangerous blood feud. So, of course, the next time I said I was going out, he followed me as I soared through the cloud-ridden sky, on and on until I arrived at the plains. He watched my every move, saw me breathe fire on the back of Ruby’s neck and she do it to me, in greeting. My father was enraged by this, and he burst out of his hiding place and started to attack her. “Stop!” I roared, but he didn’t. In fact, it just got worse! The sound of Ruby screaming and my father roaring could be heard for miles around, and both the Fire pack and the Ice pack were on the plains within a couple of minutes. That’s where the real battle started. There was bloodshed everywhere; I have no idea what happened to Ruby or my father, all I know was that I fled like a coward all the way back to our mountains.
I never saw my father or, indeed, any other of my kind after that. Neither have I been back to the plains. All I know is that it was my fault that I’m here alone. I’ve told my story to you now, and it is safe for me to die, so…

My name is Crystal, and I am the last of my noble kind. I am the last dragon.

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Mr Herring on 11 Feb 12 at 12:30pm | Quote this comment
Hi Sarah - well done on a good piece of writing. I really like the fact that we only find out he's a dragon in the last sentence of your story! To improve it a bit, I wonder if you could tell us a bit more about his relationship with Ruby? It would make their separation (and her death!) even more sad for us as the reader.
Comment 2 Comment by Mr Ryan on 11 Feb 12 at 1:05pm | Quote this comment
I agree Sarah. This bit:

"it was love at first sight. Of course..."

Between these 2 sentences we (the readers) just need a bit more about how Crystal feels about Ruby and why. This would cause us to care more about their relationship and that would subsequently make the ending seem all the more tragic.

However, this really is 'nitpicking'. This is exceptional writing from you (again). You write with the maturity of someone several years older. Keep up this high standard - you're making us proud!
Comment 3 Comment by Hannah D on 12 Feb 12 at 7:18pm | Quote this comment
Brilliant writing Sarah I really enjoyed the beginning on
Your writing I liked at least my soul can live on you
Amazing piece Sarah 8)
Comment 4 Comment by Mr Ryan on 15 Feb 12 at 3:13pm | Quote this comment
Sarah, an effective edit - well done for taking on board the feedback to improve your story further! 8)
Comment 5 Comment by Mr Herring on 15 Feb 12 at 8:29pm | Quote this comment
I agree with Mr Ryan - a good edit! Well done - we'll definitely enter this into the story competition.

Really looking forward to your review of 'The Fire Within' - see if you can upload a picture to accompany your review so everyone knows what they're looking out for on the book shop shelves!
Comment 6 Comment by Ella B on 24 Feb 12 at 9:43am | Quote this comment
Its realy sad at the end. That sentence "I am the last dragon" is realy gripping.

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