Don't Forget...

....school term ends on Friday 15th December at 2.30pm

Tuesday at 3:42pm

Homework - Mucking about with a sentence.

This homework should help with how you can polish your work. Start with a boring sentence and then do one step at a time to edit and improve it.  Show all the steps in your comment.

  1. Write a boring, simple sentence. (e.g. The cat ran on the wall.)
  2. Change the verb for a more interesting one.
  3. Add an adverb.
  4. Change the noun for another better noun that is more specific.
  5. Add some adjectives to describe the animal. (Maybe alliterate)
  6. Add some adjectives to describe the wall.
  7. Extend the sentence by adding a connective at the end (because, while, so, although, however, etc.)
  8. Complete the sentence.
  9. Check it makes sense and make any changes.
  10. Choose one or two more things to improve the sentence: add a simile, add a subordinate clause to describe the animal, swap the end of the sentence to the front.
  11. Check it makes sense and your adjectives and adverbs are applicable to the subject.
  12. Make any final changes.
  13. Check spellings

This is my example showing all the steps.

  1. The cat ran on the wall.
  2. The cat stalked on the wall.
  3. The cat stalked silently on the wall.
  4. The tomcat stalked silently on the wall.
  5. The tabby tomcat stalked silently on the wall.
  6. The tabby tomcat stalked silently on the old red-brick wall.
  7. The tabby tomcat stalked silently on the old red-brick wall while …
  8. The tabby tomcat stalked silently on the old red-brick wall while the small red-breasted robin pecked at the seed.
  9. (Checked)
  10. While the small red-breasted robin pecked at the seed, the tabby tomcat, who was feeling hungry, stalked silently on the old red-brick wall.
  11. (Checked)
  12. While the small red-breasted robin pecked at the scattered seed, the tabby tomcat, who was feeling hungry, stalked silently along the old red-brick wall.
  13.  (Checked.)

Comment your improvements to a boring sentence showing all the steps. (Using copy and paste will speed up the typing.) Choose your own starting sentence or use one of mine below.

The man fell from the ladder.

The car went down the road.

The girl woke up.

Comments that people have made about this blog post

Comment 1 Comment by Poppy F on 16 Dec 12 at 8:15pm | Quote this comment
1. The boy fell asleep.
2. The boy drifted off to sleep.
3. The boy quietly drifted off to sleep.
4. The son quietly drifted off to sleep.
5. The young son quietly drifted off to sleep.
6. The young son quietly drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
7. The young son quietly drifted off into a peaceful sleep while....
8. The young son quietly drifted off into a peaceful sleep while his parents watched television.
9. Checked.
10. The young son quietly drifted off into a peaceful sleep, in the dark room, while his parents watched television.
11. Checked.
12. The young son quietly drifted off into a peaceful sleep, in the dark room, while his parents watched Come Dine With Me on television.
13. Checked :zzz
Comment 2 Comment by Mr Brooks on 17 Dec 12 at 5:37pm | Quote this comment
Good sentence, Poppy and well done for following all the steps. I like the way your choice of words are applicable and add to the meaning - drifted off, peaceful for sleep.

Come on the rest of you, can you do as well as Poppy?

Mr Brooks
Comment 3 Comment by George T on 18 Dec 12 at 4:53pm | Quote this comment
1. The boy kicked the ball.

2. The boy whacked the ball.

3. The boy skillfully whacked the football.

4. The striker skillfully whacked the football.

5. The talented striker whacked the football.

6. The talented striker whacked the hard football.

7. The talented striker whacked the hard football however....

8. The talented striker whacked the hard football however he just missed.

9. Checked .

10. Che talented striker whacked the hard football however he narrowly missed scoring.

11. Checked.

12. The talented striker whacked the hard football, however he narrowly missed scoring a hat trick.

13. checked.
Comment 4 Comment by Iris A on 18 Dec 12 at 8:36pm | Quote this comment
1.The woman went to the shops.
2.The woman strolled to the shops.
3. The woman strolled quickly to the shops.
4.The lady strolled quickly to the shops.
5. The elegant lady strolled quickly to the shops.
6. The elegant lady strolled quickly to the busy shops.
7. The elegant lady strolled quickly to the busy shops because...
8. The elegant lady strolled quickly to the busy shops because she needed to buy Christmas presents for her large family.
9.Checked.
10. Because she needed to buy Christmas presents for her large family, the elegant lady strolled quickly to the busy shops.
11. Checked
12.Because she needed to buy Christmas presents for her large family, the elegant lady strolled quickly. on the freezing day, to the busy shops.
13. Checked
Comment 5 Comment by Eliza B on 19 Dec 12 at 7:25pm | Quote this comment
:lol: 1.The tiger caught the prey.

2.The tiger pounced on the prey .

3.The tiger pounced greedily on the prey.

4.The tigress pounced greedily on the prey.

5.The terrifying tigress pounced greedily on the prey.

6.The terrifying tigress pounced greedily on the petrified prey.

7.The terrifying tigress pounced greedily on the petrified prey while

8.The terrifying tigress pounced greedily on the petrified prey while the rest of the red deer ran.

9.Checked

10.While the rest of the red deer ran the terrifying tigress pounced greedily on the petrified prey .

12.While the rest of the red deer ran ,the terrifying tigress pounced greedily on the petrified prey .

13.checked
Comment 6 Comment by Mr Brooks on 19 Dec 12 at 7:28pm | Quote this comment
Well done Iris, Eliza and George. I'm looking forward to our next fiction writing so you can use some of these techniques.
Comment 7 Comment by Elizabeth F on 19 Dec 12 at 9:34pm | Quote this comment
There was a man.
There was a strong man.
There was a strong and heary man.
There was a strong,heary and bold man.
There was a strong,heary,bold and smelley man.
There was a strong,heary,bold,smelley and big man.
There was a strong,heary,bold,smelley,big and untidey man.
Comment 8 Comment by Mr Brooks on 19 Dec 12 at 9:46pm | Quote this comment
Good try Lizzie. Can you extend the sentence? Why not tell us what he is doing.
e.g. There was a man who sat in the rain.
There was a strong man who sat in the rain.
etc.
Comment 9 Comment by Dillon E on 20 Dec 12 at 8:24am | Quote this comment
1. A boy drew a picture.

2.A boy drew a good picture.

3. A boy drew a amazingly good picture.

4. A orphan drew a amazingly good picture.

5. A unhappy orphan drew a amazingly good picture.

6. A unhappy orphan drew a amazingly good picture on the azure carpet.

7. A unhappy orphan drew a amazingly good picture on the azure carpet while...


8.A unhappy orphan drew a amazingly good picture on the azure carpet while humming the tune baa baa black sheep.

9. Checked.

10. While humming the tune to baa baa black sheep the unhappy orphan drew a amazingly good picture on the azure carpet.

11. Checked.

12. While humming the tune to baa baa black sheep the unhappy orphan drew an amazingly good picture on the azure carpet.

13. Checked :-)
Comment 10 Comment by Lucy B on 20 Dec 12 at 10:47am | Quote this comment
1. The dog rolled on the floor.
2. The dog rolled crazily on the floor.
3. The dog rolled crazily on the freezing floor.
4. The dog rolled crazily on the freezing tiled floor.
5. The furry dog rolled on the the freezing tiled floor. Checked
6. The furry and cute dog rolled on the freezing tiled floor.
7. The furry and cute dog rolled on the freezing tiled floor whilst...
8. The furry and cute dog rolled on the freezing tiled floor whilst chewing a bone.
9. The furry and cute dog rolled on the freezing tiled floor whilst chewing a large bone.
10.The furry and cute dog rolled on the freezing tiled floor whilst chewing a large juicey bone.
11. Checked :lol:
Comment 11 Comment by Oliver H on 20 Dec 12 at 4:46pm | Quote this comment
1. The car went down the road.

2 The car rolled down the road.

3. The car rolled silently down the road.

4. The silver car rolled silently down the road.

5 The silent silver glistening car rolled down the road.

6. The silent silver car was glistening in the traffic because...

7. The silent silver car was glistening in the traffic because Rob needed to buy Christmas presents for hes family.
Comment 12 Comment by Ralph H on 20 Dec 12 at 5:17pm | Quote this comment
The boy walked to school.
The boy strolled to school.
The boy strolled lazily to school.
The boy strolled lazily to school.
The tiny boy strolled lazily to school.
The tiny boy strolled lazily to school on the uneven cracked pavement.
The tiny boy strolled lazily to school on the uneven cracked pavement however he might be late for school.
Checked
The tiny boy(who had scruffy hair)strolled lazily to school on the uneven pavement however he might be late for school.
Checked.
Comment 13 Comment by Joseph M on 20 Dec 12 at 6:25pm | Quote this comment
The cat jumped.
The cat leaped.
The cat leaped crazily over the wall.
The cat leaped crazily over the dirty wall.
The cat leaped crazily over the dirty wall because the dog was trying to catch it.
The hariy cat leaped over the dirty wall because the dog was trying to catch it.
Comment 14 Comment by Felix S on 20 Dec 12 at 6:26pm | Quote this comment
1. The car went down the road.
2. The car whizzed down the road.
3. The car whizzed carelessly down the road.
4. The Ford Focous whizzed carelessly down the road
5. The muddy Ford Focous whizzed carelessly down the road.
6. The muddy Ford Focous whizzed carelessly down the old road.
7. The muddy Ford Focous whizzed carelessly down the old road so...
8. The muddy Ford Focous whizzed carelessly down the old road so it skidded.
9. Checked
10. The old road needed repairs so the muddy Ford Focous stareted losing control and it skidded like a skater on ice.
11. checked. 8)
Comment 15 Comment by William H on 21 Dec 12 at 7:51am | Quote this comment
The cat caught the mouse.
The cat chased the mouse.
The cat furiously chased the mouse.
The ginger cat furiously chased the mouse.
The huge ginger cat furiously chased the mouse because.
The huge ginger cat furiously chased the mouse because he was starving.
The huge ginger cat furiously chased the mouse like a tiger because he was starving.
Comment 16 Comment by Hannah D on 21 Dec 12 at 4:36pm | Quote this comment
The snake moved,
The snake slithered,
The snake quickly slithered,
The python quickly slithered,
The striped python quickly slithered,
The striped python quickly slithered on the cold wet grass,
The striped python quickly slithered on the cold wet grass because....
The striped python quickly slithered on the cold wet grass because it was looking for food
The striped python,who was looking for food,quickly slithered on the cold wet grass,
Comment 17 Comment by Archie D on 23 Dec 12 at 4:48pm | Quote this comment
The boy walked to the park.
The boy strolled to the park.
The boy strolled slowly to the park.
The adolescent strolled slowly to the park.
(checked)
The spotty adolescent strolled slowly to the park.
The spotty adolescent strolled slowly to the park on the rock hard pavment.
The spotty adolescent strolled slowly to the park on the rock hard pavment so...
The spotty adolescent strolled slowly to the park on the rock hard pavment so he could meet his friends.
(checked)
The spotty adolescent , who had just turned 15, strolled slowly to the park on the rock hard pavment so he could meet his friends.
(checked) 8)
Comment 18 Comment by Rufus S on 04 Jan 13 at 7:59am | Quote this comment
The car went down the hill.
The car sped down the hill.
The rusty car sped down the hill.
The rusty old car sped down the hill.
The rusty old car sped down the steep rocky hill.
The rusty old car sped uncontrollably down the steep rocky hill.
The rusty old car sped uncontrollably down the steep rocky hill heading for the town.
The rusty old car sped uncontrollably down the steep rocky hill heading for the town, police were rapidly speeding towards the car.
Comment 19 Comment by Ellie K on 06 Jan 13 at 5:45pm | Quote this comment
The girl sat on the chair

The girl sat on the chair.
The girl perched on the chair.
The girl perched gracefully on the chair.
The adorable girl perched gracefully on the chair.
The young adorable girl perched gracefully on the chair.
The young adorable girl perched gracefully on the old tattered chair.
The young adorable girl perched gracefully on the old tattered chair while.
The young adorable girl perched gracefully on the old tattered chair while her mother started to knit a hat and scarf.

Checked

While her mother started to knit a hat and scarf, the young adorable girl, who was reading, perched gracefully on the old tattered chair.

Checked

While her mother started to knit a hat and scarf with co-ordinating colours, the young adorable girl, who was reading, perched gracefully on the old tattered chair.

Checked
Comment 20 Comment by Dylan B on 07 Jan 13 at 5:31pm | Quote this comment
The car went down the road
The car went down the crumbling road
The posh car went down the crumbling road
The posh old car went down the crumbling road
The posh old car drifted down the crumbling road
The posh old car drifted lazily down the crumbling road
The posh old car drifted lazily down the uncoftable crumbling road
The posh old car drifted lazily down the uncoftable crumbling bumpy road

Add your own comment below

Security code

Head's Tweet

from Mr Ryan

Well done, Key Stage 2 - a brilliant celebration of Christmas!

Thursday at 2:51pm

km6